Aching Looks and Breaking Hearts
by Christobel Cullen
Summary: What if things weren't the way they seemed? Instead of trying to kill Bella, Jasper was trying to save her. Hot, passionate, forbidden love. Lemons. New Moon AU. Jasper x Bella
1. Chapter 1

AN: Hello! I wrote this story several years ago and took it offline when I was feeling shy, but decided to share it again. I went through a phase when I was obsessed with Jasper. :) In this version of my Jasper and Bella story, Jasper is a single man. He and Alice are companions, but not mates or married. Thanks for reading!

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"You _are_ worth it."

When Bella left the room, Alice gave me a _look_.

"What?" I asked, in true innocence. "Did I say something wrong?"

Alice shook her head, a small smile on her face. "No, it's true. Bella _is_ worth it. I'm just surprised to hear it from you."

XxXxX

I kept my distance from Bella during those summer months. It wasn't because of my struggle being around humans, although, that is the explanation Edward gave her.

I couldn't be near her because I _loved_ her.

Bella didn't love me in return, she loved Edward. Her emotions for him were strong. He made her feel cherished and protected, safe. Her happiness was all that mattered to me. If being with Edward made her happy, I could not object. She would never love me the way she loved him.

It was a hopeless case.

XxXxX

I collapsed in the forest, trying to calm myself down from the overwhelming rage I felt towards my brother. I also felt betrayed by the rest of the family who would not see the truth.

At her birthday party, Edward was half a second from attacking Bella before I intervened. Everyone assumed that _I_ was the one with the blood lust, but it wasn't me. It was Edward. Despite his love for Bella, he could not resist his singer. The monster overcame the man.

With the possibility of Bella being so close to danger, something within me snapped. I was too angry to communicate the reason for my actions, and my brother and sisters forced me out of the house. It was probably for the best. I would have attacked Edward.

Emmett and Rosalie stood in the distance, like bodyguards, waiting to see what my response would be. Alice skipped directly to me, sitting cross legged on the ground. My face was in my hands and I refused to look at her.

"You did the right thing," she assured me. "You saved Bella's life."

XxXxX

Edward told us he was ending his relationship with Bella. He wanted us to all leave Forks, to make it better on her, to allow her to have a clean break.

I was shocked. Edward was truly ashamed at his actions. Although he didn't acknowledge it to the others, between him, Alice and myself, we knew the truth. Despite his infatuation with Bella, he could not trust himself to be around her. When Emmett suggested Edward change her into a vampire, so that they could be together without obstacles, he refused. My brother was stubborn. He was afraid. He couldn't doubt Bella's love for him, so I could only assume he doubted his love for her.

Edward and the family left Forks. I gave an excuse of going to visit Peter and Charlotte and Alice winked at me because she knew exactly what I had decided to do.

A week had passed since I had seen her. Too much time, but I felt slightly embarrassed for being so vulnerable and made excuses for myself. She wouldn't want to see me, she would be angry with me for trying to attack her, although that wasn't the truth. I was in physical pain being separated from her. Vampires did not feel pain, unless they were in battle. Perhaps I was in a battle dealing my feelings for Bella. I could not conquer it and my decision was made.

I was returning to Forks to check on Bella.

XxXxX

It was not long after midnight when I arrived in Forks. I stopped walking when I felt the emotions radiating from Bella's house. It almost brought me to my knees. The slow rhythm of the beat of her heart told me she was asleep, but even so, I could feel her heartbreak. _Pain_ , _misery_ , _loss_. I had never encountered a human with such depth of emotion.

Climbing into her bedroom, through the open window, I could see Bella lying in her bed in a fetal position. She opened her eyes, immediately aware of my presence.

"Jasper?" she whispered, her voice raspy. She wasn't afraid of me, but I felt no other emotion than sadness.

I nodded. I could not bear to see her in such pain. Using all my influence, I tried to manipulate her emotions, but it did not affect her at all. I felt helpless.

Instinctively, I joined Bella on the bed, pulling her into my lap, wrapping my arms around her. She did not resist. How could I ease her pain? For a moment I was angry – angry at Edward for leaving her in this condition. She did not need a "clean break." The family should have stayed to comfort her, lessen the devastation of Edward's decision.

My whole human life I had been taught to protect women, but what I felt for Bella was more than that. With Bella's body pressed against mine, I was overcome with my love for her. I loved her, I loved her, I loved her. There was no one else I wanted. She was my everything. How could I ease her pain? How could I show her how much I loved her?

Bella looked up at me in surprise. Had she sensed my emotions? Staring into one another's eyes, the electricity between us was almost tangible. Bella's breathing increased, as did mine. I traced her jaw with my finger.

"Stop being so sad. If _you_ continue like this, I'll be forced to make love to you," I whispered.

Surprised flashed again on Bella's face. She wasn't offended at my boldness, but seemed to be considering my words. She put her hand on my cheek. I leaned down to kiss her and she pulled me closer.

Rational thinking was gone, as soon as Bella's lips touched mine. I wasn't concerned with bloodlust, I was overcome with physical lust for her. I ravished her with kisses and I felt Bella's sadness dissipate and her heart open to me. I loved her and I wanted to _make_ love with her.

As a human, I had my share of conquests. As a vampire, Maria and I had a physical relationship, but it was animalistic, no emotions involved. I had never _made love_ with anyone. I had never _been_ in love. Until I met Bella.

Between fervent kisses, we undressed one another. Bella laid back on the bed, and I covered her body with my own. I kissed her deeply, then looked into her eyes. Despite the fact that I wasn't thinking of the consequence of my actions, I didn't want to force Bella to do something she didn't want to do. Without me having to say anything, she seemed to know what I was thinking and nodded her head. The sadness she felt minutes before had entirely disappeared and she welcomed my comfort eagerly.

I covered her mouth with my hand as I entered her and she moaned in pain. It was a honor to take Bella Swan's virginity. I wish I could have given her the same precious gift. I flooded Bella's emotions with pleasure and her eyes rolled back. She attempted to scream, but I covered it with a kiss. Charlie was in the next room, still asleep. I did not want him to interrupt.

Although she wasn't experienced, Bella was an eager lover. Instinctively she seemed to know how to respond to increase the pleasure for both of us. I made love to her gently, the rhythm of my thrusts making the bed shake slightly. Bella's heart was open to me and I sent her my love, comfort and devotion. Tears streamed down her face, but it wasn't in regret. It was in relief.

When Bella shuddered in climax, I released as well. It was the perfect moment, both of us coming to ultimate pleasure at the same time. After a few seconds, I tried to roll over to the side, not wanting to crush Bella with my weight, but she held on to me. I was still inside her, but her eyes were pleading with me to stay in place. I nestled my face in the crook of her neck, and she clung to me.

Within half an hour, Bella had fallen asleep. I kissed her forehead and rolled to my back and pulled Bella to my chest, wrapping my arms around her.

"I love you," she mumbled, with a smile.

"I love you, too," I whispered in reply.

A million thoughts and possibilities flashed through my mind in that next second. I quickly dressed, then dressed Bella. Sitting on the bed, I cradled her in my arms. I brushed back her hair, placing my mouth on her bare throat.

I was doing what Edward was too afraid to do. I was making her mine. _Forever._


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer:** All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended. Thanks and credit to Stephenie Meyer her creativity and storytelling!

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 **A/N:** The title of this story comes from The Cure song "A Letter to Elise." It's my favorite!

Thank you to all who review and interact with the story. It totally makes my day! Special thanks to **Grendalina1, Newtowngirl, LePrincessKiara, Becjane, Amazonia22** and **xteamalicecullenx**.

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My razor sharp teeth pierced Bella's neck and I flooded her blood with my venom. Somehow I found the control to not drink more of her than was absolutely necessary. When I was certain enough venom was in her system for a change to occur, I licked the wound on her neck, sealing it shut. Although I was sedating Bella with my gift, I knew I only had a few moments before she began screaming in agony.

"I'm sorry for the pain, Bella, but it's the only way we can be together forever," I whispered, kissing her forehead, as I gathered her in my arms and jumped out of her bedroom window.

There were going to be consequences. First, I had broken the treaty with the Queilites. We were forbidden from hunting or changing humans in their territory. The family would never be allowed to return to Forks. It was possible the Quelites would even track us down to revenge Bella's transformation, but there was nothing to link us to her disappearance. As far as they knew, we left town a week ago.

Second, Charlie had lost a daughter. There was no evidence of foul play, but he would search for her, undoubtedly. My impulsiveness didn't allow me time to plan her departure. I could have at least written a note for Charlie, allowing him to think Bella had run away. Now he would never know. I regretted having to hurt Charlie to keep Bella, but it was inevitable. Maybe Bella would call him in a few months, or even send a letter, so that he would have closure.

I raced to our family house on the outskirts of Forks. When we left town the week before, most of our belongings had moved along with us, but there were still a few things left behind. With Bella writhing in my arms, I went to the basement, entering the security code, and opening the vault. I grabbed a knapsack (it was prepared for emergencies – fake ids, cash, extra cell phone, etc), re-secured the alarm, and went directly to the garage. There were only two cars to choose from – Edward's Audi and a black Acrua NSX. The Audi would be more comfortable for Bella, she could stretch out in the backseat, but someone might spot the car and recognize it as Edward's. I couldn't risk the chance of Bella's disappearance being linked with the family.

As I placed Bella in the car, she whimpered as I buckled her seatbelt. I kissed her on the lips, trying to comfort her and absorb some of her pain. It would be excruciating, yet I gladly bear it for her if it would give her an ounce of relief. I paused for a moment, waiting for the intensity to hit me, but nothing happened. Maybe the burning had not begun? With no time to waste, I entered the car myself, turning the ignition and speeding out of the garage.

As if on cue, my cell phone rang. It was Rosalie.

"Hel..." before I could finish with a greeting, Rosalie began screaming.

"You _changed_ her? How could you do that? Do you know how that puts the family at risk? _You_ of _all people_ should understand the consequences!"

Obviously, Alice told the family what I had done. The phone beeped and I saw Alice was calling on the other line. Rather than continue to be yelled at by Rosalie, I mumbled goodbye and quickly answered Alice's call.

"Oh Jasper! When you left for Forks, I didn't know you were going to _change_ her!"

Alice's voice betrayed a mixture of confusion and delight.

"I didn't either, actually. It was an impulsive decision. Are you angry with me?" I asked. Alice had been my companion for sixty years. Completely platonic, but we shared a close relationship. I wondered if she had seen what happened between me and Bella before I changed her? I wasn't ashamed of it, but it was one of the most intimate moments of my existence and I didn't want to share it with my intrusive family members.

She sighed. "No, I'm not angry. It just complicates things. Charlie will be devastated. We'll never be allowed to return to Forks..."

"Did you tell the whole family?" I interrupted impatiently.

"Yes, everyone except for Edward. He left – we don't know where he went."

"Is Carlisle upset?"

"He's frustrated you didn't involve the family, but other than that, he's not upset at all. He's proud of you for having such control."

"Will Bella will survive the change?" I asked anxiously.

"Yes, she'll be spectacular."

I smiled in relief, but when I looked over at Bella, slumped in her seat, it faded. I needed to get her to a more comfortable and safe location.

"Listen, I can't really talk right now," I told Alice, squeezing Bella's hand as she trembled in pain. My gift wasn't working – I wasn't able to relieve the pain.

Alice began talking to several people at once. "Sorry, the family is crowded around me trying to listen," she explained. "I'll put you on speaker."

I groaned and rolled my eyes.

"We can talk about how this happened when you and Bella arrive, son," Carlisle declared with authority. "Meet us at the Seattle airport. We'll charter a private plane to bring Bella to Denali."

Carlisle was surprised when I didn't immediately agree. _When Bella and I arrive?_ Bella was _mine_. I didn't want to share her with the others. I couldn't.

" _Jasper?_ " Carlisle asked.

"I'm here," I replied.

"You _will_ meet us in Seattle, won't you?"

"I...uh..."

"Let me speak with Jasper privately," I heard Alice announce. There was silence for a full minute, then Alice returned to the phone.

"Sorry, I had to run a few miles from the house to speak with you without listening ears."

Vampire hearing was remarkable. It was part of the reason our family had no secrets. At least, until now. They had no idea about my love for Bella or how I had claimed her as my own.

"It's okay, Alice. I understand. I'm the one who is sorry. My impulsive decision put the family at risk. It was stupid. But, I'm going to do my best to take care of Bella."

"You love me, don't you Jasper?"

"Yes, you know I do. I love the whole family."

"Then why do I see you and Bella's future disappearing? You're going to leave the family?"

Alice – she had a strategy of laying on guilt trips. She was good at it.

"Things have changed, Alice. I have to take care of Bella. I changed her, she's my responsibility. I don't think the family is the right place to do that."

"Bella needs to be surrounded by a loving family when she wakes up," Alice protested."She'll need constant attention during her newborn year."

Alice paused. "Jasper, what are you not telling me?"

I groaned at Alice's ability to get the truth out of people. I would give her at least _part_ of the truth. I owed her that much.

"Do you promise to not tell the others?"

"Yes."

"I changed Bella without her consent. She was sleeping." I omitted the detail that it was right after we made love.

"So?" Alice replied.

"So? I damned her to immortality without her consent!"

"Jazz, Bella has always wanted to become a vampire since she met Edward. She asked him to change her many times...you know that."

"But, I didn't give her a choice." Would Bella hate me forever? I didn't think about that when I changed her. I was only thinking that I didn't want to be separated from her.

"It will be okay, Jazz," Alice assured me with confidence.

"Really?"

"Yes, I can see Bella will be very happy with her new life... _if_ you bring her to be with the family."

I was annoyed. Was Alice playing games with me?

"Alice," I spoke firmly. "Are you being completely honest with me?"

She gasped. "I'm offended! Of course I'm being honest. I only want what is best for Bella...and for you. Trust me."

I sighed. I did trust Alice. Her gift of seeing the future protected the family more times than I could count. I had to do what was best for Bella. Being with the family made sense. They loved her and she loved them. I knew that when she woke up, she would need their support to transition into her new life as a vampire.

"Text me the location of the hanger you want me to meet the family at the airport. I'll see you in a few hours," I grumbled.

Alice was cheering as I hung up the phone.

Bella started to groan more loudly, and I stroked her face. My gift wasn't able to help ease the pain of her transformation. Soon she would be screaming. I wanted the process to be over as soon as possible. I wanted Bella to wake up to me.

Suddenly, I was overwhelmed with fear. When Bella woke up, she would want to be with Edward, not me. Despite the undeniable passionate connection we shared, it was Edward she loved, not me.

What had I done?


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3: Everything**

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 **Disclaimer:** All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended. Thanks and credit to Stephenie Meyer her creativity and storytelling!

 **A/N** : This will be a short story. Maybe 10 chapters or so. I'll probably be posting a chapter every day, if not more. If you've made it a "favorite" story please leave a review and say hello! Thank you all for reading!

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No, I didn't regret changing Bella. But, I had to accept the possibility that she wouldn't choose me. It was excruciating to think of a life without her by my side.

When we arrived at the airport, Bella was in so much pain that she was paralyzed. Despite all my effort to comfort her, I wasn't able to ease it. Her body was stiff and she was in shock. It would be a couple of more hours before the family arrived, so I parked the car in the empty hangar, and I sat on the ground, beside the car, cradling Bella in my arms. She relaxed slightly, at my touch, and I whispered words of my love and devotion. I told her of when I first knew that I loved her – when I thought I would lose her to James. I promised her that I would never leave her, not mentioning the fact that she might choose to leave _me_ one day. I whispered _I love you_ in every language I knew how to speak, which was only English, Spanish, French and Italian.

I had seen hundreds of newborns going through the burning process, and was never disturbed by it, but it was different when it was happening to someone you loved. Memories of my own painful transformation were crystal clear, and I couldn't have been more distressed knowing that Bella was experiencing the same pain. When I saw the family plane arrive, I was encouraged. Alice was right – being with the family was the best thing for Bella...and for myself. This was too much to bear alone.

As the plane entered the hangar, Emmett ran down the platform, and took Bella from my arms. Instinctively I wanted to growl in protection of Bella, but Emmett was feeling nothing but genuine concern for her. To him, Bella was a beloved sister. Alice gave me a look that told me to calm down, so I did. At least, I _tried_ to calm down.

The family surrounded Bella as we boarded the plane, the pilots curious at what was happening. I glared at the two men, sending a wave of intimidation. I knew Carlisle was paying them well for confidentiality, but sometimes _fear_ was a better motivator to keep one's mouth shut.

Within minutes, we were in the air.

Everyone was being very attentive to Bella, except for Rosalie, trying to make sure she was comfortable, as if that was possible. Once she was settled, the family looked at me for an explanation.

Esme held Bella's hand, while stroking her hair. "What happened? Was she in danger?"

I shifted uncomfortably. Bella was Edward's partner, that's how the family saw her, even though he had ended the relationship. They would not understand what happened between me and Bella. They would be outraged. But, I would explain as honestly as I could.

"When I found Bella, she was _not_ well. She was... _heartbroken_." I sent the family a small dose of the emotion Bella felt. Their eyes widened in shock at the intensity. "That's not even half of it," I added.

"We should have never listened to Edward," Esme murmured, stroking Bella's head.

Rosalie snorted. "Because she was heartbroken you _changed_ her? That is a really ridiculous reason, Jasper."

"I couldn't leave her alone in that pain," I explained. "But it was foolish and impulsive. I'm sorry for putting the family at risk."

"You did the right thing returning to Forks, son," Carlisle praised, nodding his head, deep in thought. "We shouldn't have left Bella alone. Thank you for your foresight."

Emmett shrugged. "We were never going back to Forks, anyway, unless it was to see Bella. Now she's with us. Who cares about the Quieletes?"

I glanced at Alice and she gave me a look as if to say _tell them_. After all, she had promised me she wouldn't tell the family _how_ I changed Bella. But, in that moment, I realized I needed to inform the family because when Bella woke up, she would be wondering what happened to her and I would need to explain.

"Bella was asleep when I bit her. I sedated her so she wouldn't know what was happening." I cringed waiting for Rosalie to berate me and Carlisle to express his disappointment.

Rosalie crossed her arms and glared at me. Carlisle was surprisingly quiet. I realized that he really couldn't object. Everyone he changed – Edward, Esme, Rosalie, Emmett – had never given their consent. But, they were all near death. Bella was very much alive...or was she?

"It was wrong," I acknowledged. "But, as I said, I couldn't allow her to continue in that pain. She was destroyed when the family left...it wasn't just because of Edward leaving. She belongs with... _us_."

I caught myself before I could say she belongs with _me_. I didn't want to cause the family pain, but I showed them again the emotions I felt radiating from Bella. She might not have been attacked by a bear, or dying from the flu, or worse, but she had been close to dying from a broken heart.

The family was quiet as they experienced Bella's pain. Rosalie even felt a bit of compassion.

"She was always meant to be one of us," Alice announced. "Whether it happened sooner rather than later, it was going to happen. From the beginning we all sensed she was different from other humans. She was never afraid of us, accepted us so completely. Just like Jasper and I were supposed to join the family, Bella was destined to join the family, too."

Emmett massaged Rosalie's shoulders. "What's done is done. She's one of us now," he stated.

My brother was so easy going. I appreciated that, even though I knew I didn't deserve his graciousness.

"Bella wanted to become a vampire," Alice reminded the others, as she reminded me. "When she wakes up, she won't be angry she was changed."

Relief was evident in everyone's faces. The conversation shifted to our future plans in caring for Bella. Edward was not discussed.

When the plane landed at the Denali airport, we quickly ushered Bella into a Range Rover waiting in the hanger. Carlisle and Emmett sat in the front seats, Alice, Bella and I sat in the middle, with Esme and Rosalie in the very back.

The drive to our "garage" took less than a half an hour. It was little more than a shed off a dirt road. We parked a couple of vehicles here when we needed to appear "human" and go into town. We would have to run the rest of the way to our cousins' estate.

Irina, Kate, Tanya and Eleazar and Carman shared our vegetarian lifestyle and the Cullens considered them to be family. Their estate was an isolated property of several thousands acres, secluded from humans. We lived with them years before, but moved to allow Carlisle to practice medicine in a hospital because their estate was no where near civilization. It was the perfect location to raise a newborn.

Carlisle spoke to them before we arrived and they offered to allow us to use their house for several months while Bella acclimated to her change. Carman and Eleazar were using it as an opportunity to travel to Europe and the sisters were going to spend the winter in Fairbanks. It was very generous of them to vacate their home for us, but it was also helpful to Bella who would feel threatened by vampires she didn't know.

As I placed Bella on a bed, in one of the large suites in the house, it had been twelve hours since I changed her. The family were still hovering and I longed to curl up next to Bella, hold her in my arms and make another attempt to absorb her pain. However, in their presence I couldn't make such a intimate gesture.

With nothing to do but wait, eventually the others came and went. Rosalie and Emmett went hunting for awhile, Alice went to prepare a room for Bella, Carlisle took care of business. Only Esme and I remained by Bella's side the entire time.

"Are we going to tell Edward?" I asked, as if we had a choice, as if it wasn't inevitable.

Esme nodded. "I believe Carlisle is calling him now. He was going to return to Bella eventually. He has to know what happened because if he returns to Forks, he'll be putting himself in danger."

Begrudgingly, I admitted to myself it was the right thing to do.

As if he heard us, which he undoubtedly did, Carlisle entered the room. He sat next to Esme. "Edward won't answer my calls, but I left a message."

Esme nodded in approval. I shifted in my seat, not taking my eyes off Bella, wondering what her future held. Would she remember our intimacy? Would she remember how she said she loved me? Would she remember Edward?

At the end of the third day, the entire family gathered together to wait for Bella's awakening. Edward had not called or returned, which was surprising. He was probably being stubborn and hadn't even checked his messages.

"Any moment now," Alice whispered with excitement, bouncing up and down.

I was more nervous than I could ever imagine being. I held my breath as Bella opened her eyes.

We stood back, as Bella jumped up and crouched into a defensive stance. She growled as she observed us surrounding her.

Bella was beautiful as a human, but she was absolutely stunning now. Alice had dressed her in a flowing blue dress and ballet flats. It was simple, but elegant. Bella looked like the best version of herself. I was so proud of her. Only her red eyes betrayed the fact that was she was now a blood thirsty vampire.

"So beautiful," Alice whispered.

We did not approach Bella. I, unfortunately, had more experience with newborns because of the armies I created with Maria, and knew how dangerous and temperamental they were. Thankfully, my subtle gift had allowed me to control the newborns – calming their anger and getting them to work peacefully with one another. It hadn't worked while Bella was burning, but it had worked when she was human. I assumed it would work now that she was awake. Carlisle glanced at me and I nodded, letting him know I was going to calm Bella so she would be able to think rationally.

"Bella, it's me, Carlisle. You're safe. You're with family."

Bella glared at him with suspicion. Carlisle looked at me again and I shrugged, bewildered that my gift was ineffective with her.

"Bella, we're not here to hurt you, we're here to help you," I spoke softly.

Instantly, Bella calmed down when she heard my voice. The family assumed I had been able to calm her, and they sighed in relief, but I knew it wasn't my gift. I wasn't able to feel Bella's emotions at all. Something was shielding me from influencing her.

"Jasper?" Bella asked, relaxing and looking at me tentatively. I smiled and nodded. She scanned the faces of the others, who were also smiling.

"I thought you had all abandoned me." I didn't have to feel her emotions to detect the sadness in her words. No one responded.

"But, you came back for me," she stated, looking directly at me, her expression full of astonishment.

"Yes," I replied evenly.

Bella smiled. "Thank you."

As she starred at me, a flicker of recognition flashed in her eyes. Was she remembering how I comforted her? Did she _regret_ our intimacy? Bella quickly looked away.

"Am I one of you now?" she asked.

Carlisle nodded. "Yes, Bella. You're now a vampire. Jasper changed you."

"I'm sorry I didn't consult you first. Please forgive me," I pleaded, wanting her to look at me again, but she ignored my gaze.

"It was what I wanted," she replied forgivingly.

"Bella, welcome to our family," Carlisle approached Bella cautiously, his arms opened to hug her.

I tensed. Carlisle had experience with newborns, but they could be deadly. It was risky of him to want to have physical contact with her so quickly. I knew with his fatherly instincts he couldn't help but try to hug his new daughter.

Surprisingly, Bella embraced Carlisle with open arms, then turned to hug Esme. Esme winced in pain at Bella's strength, but didn't say anything.

"We love you, Bella," Alice exclaimed, kissing Bella on the cheek.

Bella smiled shyly and was then greeted with hugs by Emmett and Rosalie. Bella looked surprised at Rosalie's hug, which told me she retained some human memories of their strained relationship. What exactly did she remember?

I wanted to hug Bella as well, but I kept my distance. When she was human, apart from our one night of passion, we never once touched and it would look odd for me to suddenly wrap her in my arms. Awkwardly, I waved at her and she briefly acknowledged me with a wave of her own.

"There's nothing to keep you and Edward apart now that you're one of us," Emmett exclaimed with delight. "He only left because he wanted to keep you safe. Now you're indestructible!" Rosalie pulled at his arm and gave him a knowing look.

"Sorry, Rose," he mumbled.

Why the hell did Emmett have to mention Edward? We all agreed to let Bella lead _that_ conversation...when she was ready. She had been so heartbroken when he left, we didn't want to remind her of that pain in her fragile newborn state.

"Where _is_ Edward?" Bella asked. I couldn't detect her emotion and her body language was neutral.

"We don't know," Alice admitted. "He haven't seen him since the day we left Forks."

"Carlisle called Edward, as soon as you were safe with us. I'm sure he'll be here soon." Esme was trying to encourage Bella, but she was discouraging _me_ in the process.

"Are you thirsty?" Carlisle asked.

Bella touched her throat and gasped. "Yes!"

"We'll all take you hunting," he explained.

"Animals, right?" she clarified.

Carlisle smiled gently. "Yes, we're still vegetarians." He paused, thinking for a moment. "Bella, what do you remember?"

Bella locked eyes with me before answering. She turned to face Carlisle.

"I remember _everything_."


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N:** Just to clarify a couple of things: in this AU Alice and Jasper are platonic companions and have never been married or mated to one another, and this story will only be Jasper's POV which is very subjective...he's unhinged because he's never been in love before and doesn't know how to act, plus he's not able to "read" Bella's emotions and that makes him more uncertain.

Also, this story will be short and I will be posting a chapter every day until it's finished. The mood I wanted to create was "glimpses" of what was happening – not elaborate detail. I'm trying to save energy for that for my other Jasper/Bella fic "Life Together."

Thanks for reading! Feedback - whether you like the story or not - is always appreciated!

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With Bella's acknowledgment that she remembered _everything_ , I expected for us to have a private conversation...eventually. However, Bella avoided every opportunity to be alone with me, even though I followed her around like a puppy dog.

Bella adapted to being a vampire with ease. Perhaps it was because of her previous knowledge about our kind, or because she was the perfect addition to our family. Whatever it was, it was remarkable. Emmett had a new playmate with strength that rivaled his, Esme enjoyed having a new daughter that matched her temperament, Alice had a best friend, Carlisle had someone in whom he could invest his knowledge and wisdom. Rosalie was almost always with Emmett, and thus, spent time with Bella by default. She no longer had animosity towards Bella, but felt generally indifferent. It took Rosalie a long time to get to know people and I knew eventually she would get there with Bella.

Bella didn't have the temptation of humans, being so isolated in the Alaskan wilderness, but there were no newborn mood swings or irrational behavior. Of almost every vampire I knew, it took a full year before before he or she felt like themselves again, but Bella was instantly comfortable in her new skin. She even seemed to have more confidence. I had never seen anything like it.

Edward hadn't returned, despite repeated phone calls and messages. Rosalie was even calling him over a hundred times a day. She was tenacious like that. He continued to ignore us. After several weeks, Carlisle suggested the idea that a few of us go searching for him, but no one volunteered. I, for one, wasn't going to do it, and the others seemed to be enjoying Bella too much to be separated from her. I knew Edward left Carlisle and Esme for a ten year period, at one time, and I silently prayed he would take twice that long before he returned again. Alice was keeping tabs on Edward, and it looked like he was searching for someone, but he kept changing his mind and his future was blurry.

Six months after Bella's change, she still hadn't spoken directly to me. All we had were secret glances. I would be talking to Alice and I would catch Bella staring at me. She would hold her gaze for a couple of seconds, then look away. When she was arm wrestling with Emmett and laughing, she would see me starring at her. Sometimes she would smile. It was agonizing. I was becoming as frustrated as hell.

Carlisle became employed at a hospital in Anchorage. He worked the night shift, but he returned to us every morning, despite the long commute. With things going smoothly with newborn Bella, Esme and Alice decided to join Carlisle for a long weekend in Anchorage. Alice admitted she missed shopping and Esme missed privacy with her husband. I was left with Bella, Emmett and Rosalie.

Our weekend together, with just the four of us, was enjoyable. Emmett and Bella shared a special bond and it was amusing to see how they interacted with each other. We went skiing for most of the time, except for an extended hunting trip where Emmett taught Bella how to "properly" attack a Grizzly bear.

On Sunday evening, we were back at the house, waiting for the others to arrive from Anchorage. Emmett pulled me aside, with an anxious look on his face.

"Hey, bro, I know there's an unspoken rule that none of us will be alone with the newborn, but I need some _alone time_ with Rosalie, if you know what I'm saying. We'll only be gone a few hours. Do you mind babysitting?"

On the outside, I acted indifferently, but on the inside I was full of excitement.

"Sure, whatever, it'll be fine," I responded. "Take however long you need."

"Thanks," Emmett smiled, slapping me on the back. He disappeared.

Bella and I were finally alone.

All this time I was waiting for her to initiate the conversation, or at least give me a sign she was open to it, but nothing had happened. I regretted not taking charge of the situation. It was so unlike me. I was finally going to confront her – ask her why she had been avoiding me. I returned to the living room to look for Bella. She was standing by the window and turned to face me as I entered the room. I was immediately shocked by the emotion radiating from her. It was intense, undiluted _lust_.

She stared at me for a moment, not saying a word. Since she had been changed, her emotions had been guarded. But, now she was being transparent. It was clear she was _allowing_ me to feel what she was feeling.

"I _want_ you," she spoke quietly, but confidently.

I didn't know how to respond. I was definitely surprised, and I couldn't resist sending waves of my own lust for her, months of frustration disappearing, only to be replaced with desire.

As soon as I took one step forward, Bella ran and threw her arms around me. When our lips met, it was as powerful, if not more so, than the first time we kissed. Bella kissed me as if I was air she needed to breathe.

"I _need_ you," she whispered. "I need you _now_."

With her newborn strength, she pushed me to the floor, still kissing me, but also frantically trying to unbuckle my jeans.

"Woah," I cautioned, cupping her face with my hands. "Why the rush?"

Bella was alarmed. "You don't want me?" she asked, with a mixture of panic and shame.

I rolled us over and pinned her arms to the ground, asserting my dominance. What she just said was the vilest, most blasphemous thing I had ever heard. I kissed her deeply, pressing my hips into hers so she could feel my arousal.

"I want you," I said. "But, I want to love you the right way."

"Take me, _now,_ " she begged.

I didn't understand the urgency, but I wasn't going to deny her anything. Her wish was my command.

She unbuttoned my pants, pushing them down my legs, along with my underwear and I did the same for her. When I tried to unbutton her blouse, she grabbed my hands and guided them down to my member, guiding me into her.

I pulled her closer to me and began thrusting with speed. Bella screamed in pleasure, her fingers clawing into my back. I didn't have to be as gentle with her as I did when we made love when she was a human. I felt her surprise at the new level of intensity and she wrapped her legs around my waist, instinctively rocking her hips to the rhythm of my thrusts. We locked eyes for the entire encounter.

As we had before, we both climaxed at the same time. I collapsed on top of her, trying to steady my breathing. Damn, the release felt good, but our love making had been too quick. I didn't imagine our reunion to be so rushed like this. It disappointed me, but Bella seemed... _happy_.

"I've missed you," she admitted, closing her eyes, a smile of contentment on her face.

I left a trail of kisses down her neck, stopping at the crescent shaped scar on her neck that I had made when I changed her.

"I've missed you, too." I had so many questions, but suddenly a confrontation didn't feel appropriate after such an intimate act. I paused as I sent her waves of my love and relief she had finally opened up to me.

Bella sighed, her emotions confused. Now that I could feel them, they definitely reminded me of other newborn emotions I had experienced. Bella was putting a brave face in front of the family, but she was still a newborn. Her thirst was dominant and in general she felt very fragile and on edge. I tried to calm her and she received it.

"Jasper, I..."

Suddenly, we were interrupted by talking in the distance.

"Rosalie and Emmett are home?" we heard Esme ask, undoubtedly smelling the sex radiating from the house. "Should we wait a moment and give them more privacy?"

Bella looked at me in panic. We scrambled up off the floor, fixing our clothes. I kissed Bella and grabbed her hand. Although it was rushed, Bella and I had been reunited. We didn't need to hide our relationship from the family any more.

"Let's go tell the others," I encouraged, a stupid smile plastered across my face.

She let go of my hand. "No, I..."

"What?" I asked. Why was she hesitating?

I sensed her embarrassment and it hurt. She was ashamed of me. Of _us_.

"You should take a shower, otherwise they'll smell me all over you," I mumbled and raced out of the house into the woods.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5: Secret Affair**

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 **Disclaimer:** All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended. Thanks and credit to Stephenie Meyer her creativity and storytelling!

* * *

To work out my hurt and confusion, I went hunting and didn't return home until almost twenty four hours later. The family was gathered in one of the large great rooms, where we usually spent our evenings. I ignored Bella when I entered the room, choosing to sit next to Alice. The others greeted me, but weren't intrusive. Alice, however, gave me a look that told me I had some explaining to do. I mumbled, " _I went hunting_ ," loud enough for the others to hear and propped my feet up on the coffee table, stretching my hands behind my head, as if I didn't have a care in the world. Although I knew it wouldn't affect Bella, I sent waves of calm and relaxation to the family. Esme looked at me and smiled in acknowledgment.

Everyone was in their usual positions, doing their normal activities, Emmett playing a hand held video game, Rosalie and Alice flipping through magazines, Esme was sketching...except for Bella. She usually read, but this evening she was sitting on the edge of her seat, her body language tense. No doubt, she was anxious for Edward to return, I thought to myself bitterly.

Bella glanced at me throughout the night, but I refused to look at her. I knew that if I did, I wouldn't be able to resist her and I had to be strong. As much as I loved her, I was still deeply hurt about her being ashamed of our relationship. I should have been more forgiving and understanding, but after the intimacy we shared, the true love connection we had, I wanted to protect myself. Bella was the only person in the universe that could truly hurt me. I was completely vulnerable with her, but now I was scared. I wanted to protect myself.

"Jasper, can I talk to you?" Bella asked.

Everyone stopped what they were doing and looked at her. She had never directly spoken to me before and they were curious, but not suspicious. I was instantly nervous and wanted to ignore her, but knew that I couldn't.

"Sure," I replied casually, remaining seated. I was being immature. I knew our conversation had to be private. The others focused their attention back to their activities and Bella nodded towards the door. I sighed and followed her outside.

I would like to say that I kept my self respect with Bella, refusing to allow myself to be her play thing, demanding that she choose between me and Edward, but that would be a lie. As soon as we were out of the range of vampire hearing, we couldn't keep our hands off one another. She literally jumped on top of me, wrapping her legs around my waist and smothering me with kisses.

Bella seemed to want me to satisfy her newborn, physical desires. It was the only explanation I had for her behavior. Despite my better judgement, I was unable to resist.

And thus, Bella and I began a passionate affair and was remarkably able to keep it a secret from the family.

Our first few encounters were frantic and urgent coupling. It almost reminded me of my animalistic mating with Maria, except it was different because I _loved_ Bella. Even though it was more _sex_ than _making love,_ I wanted to be with her in whatever way she would have me.

It was easy to be together when we went hunting alone, which we began to do often, since the family felt Bella had her "newborn-ness" under control. Eventually, we became more bold, taking more risks, being together while the others were still in the house. Once, we had sex while Bella was in the shower. I climbed through the window of the bathroom and surprised her. She was delighted.

Sometimes Bella didn't need full consummation. Sometimes she just wanted a gentle kiss or a hug. I would pass her in the hallway and she would pull me into an empty room where she allowed me to simply embrace her. Or when the family wasn't paying attention, we'd meet in the kitchen, the most unused room in the house, and I'd steal a kiss. I lived for those moments.

I hadn't dared ask why she wanted our relationship to be a secret because I feared she would end it. Suddenly, I didn't need an explanation or for her to make a public declaration. I had her in my arms...and that was enough...for now.

Emmett would occasionally look at me with suspicion, curious as to what was making me so happy, but he didn't say anything. The family did not know about me and Bella's relationship, although I did hear Esme remark, "It's so nice to see Jasper and Bella warming up to each other."

She had no idea.

It was difficult to keep any secrets from Alice, especially after being my companion and confidant of sixty years. We still spent most of our time together, except when I was alone with Bella, which was becoming more and more often. Alice wasn't the jealous type, but I knew I needed to talk to her soon. Her and my relationship would change once Bella and I went public. Alice and I had made no promises to each other, our relationship was as brother and sister, but still, things would be different between us.

Whether her gift had shown the affair or not, I didn't know, but Alice did not give any hints that it had been revealed.

Despite the secrecy, I was almost the happiest I had ever been...except for the invisible elephant in the room. Edward. He had not yet returned. The family was ashamed of his actions. They were offended on Bella's behalf, from their perspective she was waiting patiently for him, but they didn't bring up the topic because they didn't want to embarrass her. I found some hope in the fact that she didn't seem to miss Edward at all. Of course, I couldn't feel her emotions. She blocked them unless we were alone and being intimate. But, she never asked about him.

Bella's newborn year would be coming to an end soon. She only had one more month to go. The Denali cousins would be returning as well, and I was anxious to talk to Eleazer about Bella's gift. I hadn't mentioned her shield to anyone else because it would have exposed our relationship. But, Eleazer had a gift for recognizing gifts in others. He would be able to help Bella discover _her_ gift because I knew she had one. I suspected it was very powerful.

It was a quiet evening in August. The entire family sat on the back deck of the house, watching the sun set. It was silent until Alice gasped and froze in place. We were familiar with this posture – she was having a vision.

"Edward is going to check his voicemail!" she screamed excitedly. "He's coming to Denali!"

Everyone looked at Bella, myself included. She looked surprised and hopeful. I felt crushed.

"When will he arrive?" Esme asked.

Alice paused for a moment. "Two days, I think. Not sooner than that."

Esme turned to Bella, patting her leg. "Edward is finally coming home for you!"

I couldn't handle this. Without an explanation, I stood up and stormed into the house. As I left, I heard Emmett in the background remark, "What's wrong with _him_?"

I hid myself in Eleazar's library and soaked in my emotions. Bella's reaction to news of Edward's return was burned in my brain. I couldn't feel her, but her face said it all. She _wanted_ him to return. Where did that leave me? Us?

Within minutes, I caught Bella's scent. She had followed me. I ignored her knock on the door, but she opened it anyway, and came to sit beside me. My posture was rigid. Bella brushed her hand against mine, attempting to hold it, and I pulled away. For a brief second, I felt sadness coming from her. Although I had been avoiding her eyes, when I felt her emotion, I looked at her.

She was clearly hurt and confused at my rejection. For a second, I almost decided to yield. We had been lovers for almost five months. I had always eagerly accepted Bella's advances. But for once I was able to remain strong. Bella playing games with me. It wasn't fair. Even though it was a simple gesture, at that moment in my desolation holding her hand felt as intimate as making love. If she was rejecting me forever, I wasn't going to make things things worse for myself by indulging in her closeness on the eve of Edward's return.

I averted my gaze and looked at the floor. "Leave me alone," I requested.

From the corner of my eye, I could see Bella nod and leave. A few moments later, I found refuge in my bedroom. There was an unwritten family rule that we would respect one another's privacy. No one would bother me there.

I should of gone to Bella and finally confronted her. I should have demanded she choose between me and Edward. I should have told her that I would fight for her, if it came to that. I should have told her I couldn't live without her and begged her to love me back. But, I did none of these things.

Does love make you vulnerable and defenseless like this? I wondered. I was a Major, a military commander. I was not afraid of anything. I was the master of my destiny. I was a man of action. Yet, with Bella I was being so...passive. What the hell was wrong with me?

Two days passed, and I didn't leave my bedroom. I heard conversations throughout the house, but Bella was strangely quiet. When I heard Alice announce Edward would be arriving soon, I bolted downstairs.

Everyone was in the living room, waiting for Edward. Carlisle and Esme were excited, Emmett and Rosalie were a little annoyed. Alice was frozen, probably having another vision. Bella sat on a sofa, looking at her hands in her lap.

Adrenaline rushed through me. Edward was coming back. Bella would want him. I wanted Bella.

"I'm sorry, I can't let this happen," I announced and all eyes looked at me.

With vampiric speed, I picked up Bella, threw her over my shoulder and ran out of the house.


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer:** All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended. Thanks and credit to Stephenie Meyer her creativity and storytelling!

* * *

 **A/N:** These next two chapters were so hard to write and I'm not sure if I really communicated what I wanted to, but I hope you like it. Just a reminder, I'll be posting a chapter every day until it's finished. If you want to support the story, please leave a review. Thanks to all the new reviewers, the faithful readers, and all of you who have added the story as a favorite. If I pass the 200 mark of reviews today, I'll immediately post the next chapter! :)

Special thanks to **gredelina1** my fan fic soul mate.

* * *

As I ran, I shifted Bella so that I was cradling her in my arms like a baby. She didn't resist, in fact she clung to me, and I kept running until I knew no one was following us. I suspected the family was in complete shock at my actions, all except for Alice. I saw her smile a split second before I grabbed Bella.

When I was certain we were safe, I stopped running and placed Bella on the ground. I collapsed to my knees, and leaned against her, wrapping my arms around her body, pulling her close to me. I was going to be vulnerable and share my heart. I was going to beg.

"Bella, I love you. Please don't choose Edward. Choose _me_."

I was overwhelmed with fear and panic. It was as if the last few months I had been living a dream of sorts. I was able to touch, hold and feel the woman I loved and it was pure bliss. But, now there was a very real risk that I could lose her forever. It was too much to bear.

Bella began to sob, the floodgates of her emotions opened, and she collapsed on the ground next to me. She didn't answer me in words, but I felt her emotions. Bella was exhausted and she was _confused_. I pulled her into my lap, much like I had during our first night together in her bedroom in Forks. As much as I wanted her to speak to me, I knew that what she needed was to be calmed down. Bella was a deeply emotional creature, almost equal to me in that regard. As she sobbed in my arms, I realized that all these months, even when I felt Bella open to me emotionally, she was still holding back. But now, I truly felt her. I felt everything. I smoothed her hair, surprised at the weight she had been carrying, and tried to make her feel safe.

It was because of my own selfishness that I didn't consider the trauma Bella had been through. She had been so good at hiding her newborn struggles from the family, wanting to assure us she was happy with being a vampire and not conflicted over Edward leaving her. When she finally opened up to me, the night we reunited physically, I didn't give her a chance to explain what she was feeling. Instead, I acted like a child and fled. All this time she had been trying to deal with things on her own, and I should have been there for her, but I wasn't.

After awhile her sobbing subsided and her breathing became even. Edward would be arriving soon, if he hadn't already, and time was short. I needed to know what she was thinking.

"We have a lot to discuss," I spoke softly.

"Yes," Bella whimpered, trembling full of emotion. "Thank you for being patient with me."

"Oh, Bella," I sighed, kissing the top of her head. "Should we start from the beginning?"

"Okay," she replied, but didn't say anything else. I felt her hesitation. I would have to go first.

"I've loved you from the moment I saw you," I began. "I didn't understand it at first because I had never been in love. By the time I admitted to myself what I was feeling, you were already in love with my brother. So I kept my distance. When Edward told us he was leaving Forks, he asked us to leave with him. I returned to you as soon as I could. When I went to your house that night...Bella, I've never felt that level of pain from a human before. What exactly happened?"

Bella was leaning against my chest and didn't look up at me. "When Edward ended our relationship, he told me that he didn't want me anymore. He said I didn't belong in his world, that I wasn't good for him. He also mentioned the family had left without saying goodbye. Edward left and I collapsed in the woods until the search party found me. It was like someone had died — like _I_ had died. It was losing a whole future, a whole _family_ — the whole life that I'd chosen. I remained catatonic until you came to visit me that night."

Her emotions shifted from the memory of her heartbreak to the relief she felt she saw me climb through her bedroom window. "You, of all people, came back for me. I couldn't believe it."

"That was a very special night," I said softly. I trembled at the memory of our love making, every caress and kiss burned into my brain for eternity.

"Yes, it was," she replied simply, but shame surrounded her words. It almost broke my heart.

"Do you regret it?" I asked, bracing myself for her answer.

"No, I don't regret it at all, Jasper. It was beautiful. You were able to comfort me in a way that I never thought possible. I was dying and your touch brought me back to life. It made me whole again."

"Then why do you feel ashamed?" I asked.

Bella gathered the courage to answer. "Because I feel that I betrayed Edward. Even though he told me he didn't want _me_ , I still wanted _him_. I spent those seven days begging God to return him to me. But, then you appeared. Edward was quickly forgotten and I wanted _you_."

"That's not a bad thing," I replied, trying not to smile.

She shook her head. "How could I be grieving the loss of Edward, then make love to you?"

"As you said, you were _grieving_. I comforted you."

"Yes, you did," she whispered, almost shyly, with a mixture of amazement and lust. It was followed by more shame.

"Do you regret that _I_ was your first and not Edward?"

Bella paused, choosing her words carefully. "Edward never allowed our relationship to be very physical. He said it wasn't safe, that he would hurt me. But, you, Jasper," she looked up at me. "You opened your heart to me so completely. I felt it in my soul. You weren't afraid to love me."

"No, I wasn't," I whispered, stroking her face. Bella looked away.

"When we were making love, it was as if Edward never existed. The pain of losing him disappeared completely, it was as if my heart had never been broken at all. Afterward, when you held me as I fell asleep, I knew my life would never be the same."

Words could express the relief I felt upon hearing this...knowing that Bella felt our connection as deeply as I did.

"Little did I know how _soon_ it would change," she continued. "I begged Edward to make me like him, but he always refused. And yet you did it without a second thought."

I sighed. "I do regret _that_. I should have consulted you first."

"When the burning began, I immediately knew that you changed me because you loved me."

"If you knew I loved you, why were you so distant from me those first six months?"

"The family kept talking about me and Edward, how he still loved me and would be returning for me soon. But, _you_ were the only one in my heart. I was confused. How could my feelings be so strong for someone I didn't know?"

"You didn't _know_ me?" I asked, raising an eyebrow. After that night in her bedroom in Forks, she knew me very, very well.

Immediately catching my innuendo, she swatted my arm playfully. "You know what I mean. Other than that _night_ , we had barely spoken before. I had a history with Edward. He saved my life three times, I was completely and irrevocably in love with him, or so I thought until you came to my rescue. For that first six months, I wrestled with this confusion - feeling that I should be loyal to Edward, but wanting you so much I could barely function. I was also adjusting to my new life. You know how difficult it is being a newborn. All my emotions felt intensified, extreme. I wanted to show the family that I wouldn't be a burden, that I fit it, but it was hard to hold it together sometimes. With my thirst and desire for you, I was overwhelmed."

"You desired me?" I asked.

Bella glanced at me, shyly. "I made it pretty clear, the first opportunity that we were alone."

I smiled, remembering how she told me she wanted me. "Yes, you did."

"It had been six months and Edward hadn't returned. I couldn't fight my feelings any longer. I _needed_ you."

"And I needed you," I agreed. "Being with you again was a dream come true. But..." I needed to say this delicately. "Why did you want to keep our relationship a secret from the family?"

Bella's eyes clouded over, apparently remembering how she hurt me. She shifted in my lap, placed her arms around my neck and kissed me gently, but with passion. It took us a few minutes to remember we were having a much needed conversation.

"I'm sorry for hurting you," she apologized, when we finally broke away from kissing one another. "When I heard Esme, I...well, I _freaked out_. I could never be ashamed of you, Jasper."

"Then why wouldn't you tell the family?" I pressed.

"I didn't want them to think I was cheating on Edward. I felt guilty because I knew in their minds I belonged to Edward. I didn't want to disappoint the family, but I couldn't stay away from you, either."

Bella began to sob again, feelings of guilt and loyalty oozing from her being. I understood the complexity of her emotions. I had been so hurt Bella wanted to keep our relationship a secret, but I had kept my own secret from the family, too. I never confronted Edward directly, although he was very aware of my feelings for Bella. I never told the family how I felt about her, either.

"It's okay, darlin. I understand."

"I had to be with you, even if I wasn't ready to process my feelings. I know it was selfish. I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry, you didn't force me to do anything I wasn't already _very_ willing to do," I laughed, trying to lighten the mood. Bella stopped sobbing and smiled.

I had to ask the burning question, the question that would decide my future.

"Do you still love Edward?" I asked.

She stiffened. She did not expect this question.

"Bella, I need to know."

She turned and looked at me somberly.

"I'll never love you the way I love him."


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7: Something**

* * *

 **Disclaimer:** All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended. Thanks and credit to Stephenie Meyer her creativity and storytelling!

* * *

 **A/N:** Thank you for your reviews and participating in this story. You're awesome! Also, thanks to grendelina1 for pre-reading! Please review!

* * *

I sat in shock, not expecting Bella to be so honest. It was brutal.

Her eyes widened in panic. She shifted her body, so that she was straddling me, and cupped my face with her small hands. She leaned in closely.

"Because what I feel for _you_ is so much stronger."

Bella closed her eyes and focused her emotions. For the first time, I _felt_ her love for me. Not just lust or desire or adoration, I felt the truest of true love illuminating from her. My body began to shake due to the intensity of her feelings. I never thought I could be so unconditionally loved.

"Oh darlin'," I whispered, then crushed her mouth with a kiss, covering her body with mine, with the full intention of making love to her right then and there.

She kissed me passionately, but stopped me as I tried to undress her. For once, _she_ was stopping _me_.

"Jasper, please wait, let me finish..." she insisted.

I kissed her deeply and she shuddered in pleasure, but I put my arm behind her and pulled her upright, her body still pressed against mine.

Bella tried to calm her breathing. She looked at me, worried. "I don't know if you're going to like what I have to say. Promise you won't leave."

"I promise."

She was nervous. "I do feel _something_ for Edward."

"You love him," I stated blankly.

Bella frowned. "It's nothing like I feel for we have is incomparable. I don't know how to explain. Edward was my first love. What I felt for him was strong, but when I'm with you, he doesn't exist. I think I need to see him again, face to face, to fully understand."

I couldn't stop the hurt that flashed across my face. "You haven't made a choice?"

Bella shook her head. "It's not about choice. I need _closure_. I need the family to see us have closure. I'm sorry if it doesn't make sense because I don't understand it myself. I'm just trying to be honest with you."

Fear began to overwhelm me again. I had security in knowing Bella loved me deeply, but was it enough to keep us together? What if Edward still had a hold on her? Memories of them together flashed through my mind and I cringed.

"What if he still wants you? He only left because he wanted to keep you safe."

"Edward was very convincing in the forest that day. He doesn't want me. I expect he may be upset that I was changed. He said I didn't belong in your world."

I suppressed a growl. "Bella, you _always_ belonged in our world, with us...with me. I know you said you were struggling as a newborn, but I've never seen anyone transition with such natural ease. It was like you were born to be a vampire. Edward is an idiot."

Bella gave a small smile, encouraged by my words. "He's not an idiot," she corrected.

I resisted rolling my eyes. Her defending him, even slightly, after the pain he put her through, was frustrating.

"Do you remember how heartbroken you were, Bella? I know you remember what he said to you, but do you remember how that made you feel?" I was tempted to show her the feelings of devastation I felt when I came to her house that night in Forks. But, there was no way I could hurt like that.

She touched my cheek with her hand. "You healed me, Jasper. I told you that. I remember being left in the woods, catatonic, brokenhearted beyond belief, but the emotions behind it all are completely gone. It's like a scar that's been healed. I see that it left a mark, but it doesn't hurt anymore."

I didn't know what to say. I was relieved she had no lingering heartbreak, but I was amazed that I had been able to help her recover like that. It was unbelievable.

"When we were finally alone," she added, "I was so eager to be with you again because I knew that once you touched me, I'd feel at peace. Every time we made love, every time you kissed me, held me in your arms, I was drawn closer to you and further away from Edward."

"But, you still need to see him?" I asked, trying not to show my impatience.

"Yes, I do."

"I can't lose you, Bella," I whispered. I stood up and pulled her to me. When our bodies touched again, it felt like coming home. I could tell she felt the same way, as she molded herself against me.

"Edward may have been your first love, but Bella, _you_ are _my_ first love. I should have told you how I felt a long time ago, but I didn't. I'll always regret that. Every moment I've spent with you has been the happiest of my life. Whatever you decide, I will always want you." Using all my power of influence, I wrapped Bella in my feelings of love, desire and eternal commitment to her.

Bella was on the verge of sobbing again and put her head against my chest. "I wish this wasn't so complicated. I wish we could just run away together..."

I lifted her head to look into her eyes. "We can, you know. We could leave right now. Go anywhere you want..." I held her hand and lifted it to my lips for a kiss.

She sighed. "I need closure. And...I want you to be able to have all of me. I want us to have a fresh start. We can't do that if we run away."

There was wisdom in her words. I felt less insecure knowing how she felt. But, allowing her to see Edward again was a risk. If I confronted Edward, I would at least know how _he_ felt about Bella. After a year of wondering, examining every memory I had of Edward and human Bella together, I believed that he did care about her. He felt protective of her, definitely.

Maybe Edward even _loved_ Bella, but not enough to stay with her, not enough to change her into a vampire. Yet, it didn't really matter what Edward felt because if Bella truly loved him on any level, I knew Edward would welcome her back with open arms. Who wouldn't want Bella? She was amazing.

Suddenly, I caught the scent of two familiar vampires – Rosalie and Emmett. Bella noticed it too and looked into my eyes. Our embrace was very intimate and anyone who saw us would not doubt the nature of our relationship. It definitely wasn't brother and sister.

"What's this I hear about running away?" Rosalie asked, appearing in front of us, a smirk on her face.

Emmett looked at us and laughed. "So, we finally catch you two!"

" _Finally_?" Bella asked nervously, glancing at me. I was as shocked as she was.

Emmett laughed even harder. "Did you really think you could keep a secret in _this_ family?"

"You know about us?" I asked, with surprise.

"Of course," Rosalie replied, still smirking. "Emmett and I actually had a bet about how long it would take before you were caught together. I thought it would be much sooner, but you guys were more evasive than I predicted."

"How long have you known?"

Rosalie glanced at Emmett. "About five months? The weekend Esme and Alice went to Anchorage. When they returned, Esme apologized for "interrupting" me and Emmett and I immediately realized it wasn't _us_ she was talking about."

I felt Bella's embarrassment. If she was human, she would have blushed.

"The others know, too, then?" I asked.

Emmett shook his head. "No, we let Esme think it was us."

We stood in silence for a moment.

"Well, this is awkward," I said, stating the obvious. "Why are you here?"

"Edward has arrived. We offered to go look for you," Rosalie explained.

"We thought it was better if _we_ found you, than Edward," Emmett grinned. "Although I can't wait to see his face when he finds out he lost his girl."

Bella tensed and I knew she was thinking about the complexity of the situation. Rosalie and Emmett obviously weren't upset. I felt no sense of betrayal from them. In fact, they seemed happy for us. I knew Bella would be encouraged by this. I asked the question she was too timid to ask.

"Are you angry with us?"

Rosalie rolled her eyes. "Why would we be angry at you? Do you _feel_ any _anger_ coming from us?"

Emmett shrugged."If we're angry at anyone it's Edward. How could he stay away from Bella this long when she needed him most? He pretty much abandoned her and abandoned the family, too. Edward is the one who broke up with you, Bella. As far as I'm concerned, you are a single lady and be with whoever you choose. I'm just glad you kept it in the family!" Emmett raised his hand to give me a high five.

I wasn't in the mood to goof around and gave Emmett a look. He grinned and lowered his hand.

"So, are you running away?" Rosalie asked.

I shook my head. "No, we're not. We thought about it, but Bella wants to see Edward."

Emmett radiated anticipation. "This is going to be _awesome_!"

Bella was starting to be nervous. I glanced at Emmett and he followed my gaze to Bella. He got the message and sobered up.

"Jasper, Bella – we support you. Jasper, you're my bro. Bella – the family wouldn't be the same without you. Whatever happens with Edward, don't let it tear you away from the family."

Emmett spoke with sincerity and Rosalie nodded with him in agreement. It seemed to calm Bella, knowing she had their support.

"Thank you, Emmett," I replied.

Bella squeezed my hand.

"Let's just get this over with, okay?" she mumbled, brimming with anxiety.

Rosalie and Emmett turned to start running towards the estate. Bella and I followed.

As we were running, I asked her for a favor.

"Would you do something for me?"

"Anything," she replied quickly.

"Would you not hide your emotions from me when you see Edward? I want to know how you're feeling."

"You know I can do that?" she asked surprised.

"Yes."

Bella looked at me shyly. "I don't fully understand it, but it's like I have a shield...when I feel like I have to protect myself, I surround myself with it, when I feel safe, it goes down. And...I think I can do more, but I'm not sure. Do you think I have a gift like you?"

I nodded. "Yes. Definitely. We can talk about it more later, but it's just important to me that I feel what you're feeling. I won't influence you, unless you want me to..."

She grinned. "I think I'll be okay, but if I need help, I know you'll be there for me."

I immediately stopped and pulled her into my arms.

"I'll always be there for you, Bella," I promised, leaning down to kiss her. She responded eagerly, whimpering at my touch, running her fingers through my hair.

It happened so quickly. A new scent, a scuffle, overwhelming shock.

"Bella? Jasper? What are you doing?" a voice in the darkness asked.

It was _Edward_.


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer:** All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended. Thanks and credit to Stephenie Meyer her creativity and storytelling!

* * *

Rosalie and Emmett appeared behind Edward, obviously displeased.

Emmett shrugged with exasperation. It led me to believe they tried to distract Edward before he caught us together, but he was undeterred. Edward _was_ very fast.

Edward was also very hurt. He was shocked and betrayed. He was jealous and angry. Instinctively, I stepped in front of Bella to protect her.

"You don't have to protect her from _me_ ," Edward snarled.

My brother did not intimidate me. I battled more dangerous vampires in my years of war.

"Edward, I'm sorry you had to find out about us this way. Let's go to the house and discuss things calmly." I sent a wave of relaxation.

"Don't manipulate my emotions. Is that what you're doing with Bella?" Edward spoke bitterly.

"No," I replied. _Be mature about this Edward. You left Bella. You told her you didn't want her. What did you think would happen? You wanted her to move on and she did._

Edward glared at me and stood firmly in place. Rosalie and Emmett were anxious, not sure what to do.

Bella was strangely calm and composed. She and Edward stared at each other in silence for a moment, the atmosphere filled with _fascination_ coming from both of them. They way they were looking at each other was starting to make me nervous. It was alarming to see them act as if no one else existed.

"I want to speak with Edward alone," Bella announced. She was taking the lead in this situation. As a human she had been so dependent on Edward, it was interesting to see this new dynamic. Edward was suddenly so submissive.

I gasped. "Absolutely not!"

Bella squeezed my hand. "It's okay, Jasper. Edward won't hurt me."

"He better not," Emmett echoed, flexing his muscles. Edward looked at him in shock, surprised at the threat.

Panic started rising within me. I should have never brought Bella to the family. When I changed her, I should have taken her away to be alone with me...

" _You_ changed her?" Edward growled, reading my thoughts. He throttled towards me. I let go of Bella's hand and rushed forward. I didn't want to fight Edward, but I didn't want Bella to get hurt by his attack.

He crashed into me, wrestling me to the ground. The hesitancy in his emotions told me he didn't want to _kill_ me, but he definitely wanted to _hurt_ me. I decided to not fight back, but I _would_ defend myself.

E _dward, calm down. I love Bella. I couldn't live without her, so I changed her._

My thoughts only seemed to infuriate Edward more and he kicked me into a tree. Edward was quick, but Rosalie and Emmett managed to subdue him. I wanted Edward to let out some of his frustration and that's why I allowed him to attack me. Now, that he was being held back, I manipulated his emotions until he was feeling extremely lethargic, the closest a vampire could ever come to feeling sleepy.

"Stop it," Edward slurred. "Stop manipulating me."

"When you decide to be mature, I will. As I said before, let's go to the house and discuss things calmly."

"Jasper's right," Emmett agreed. "Edward, be reasonable...consider Bella."

Bella was obviously upset at our tussle, but was remaining calm. I was proud of her, actually. She was being so strong.

"I want to speak with Edward alone," Bella repeated. I realized that it was important to Bella to be independent. Edward always treated her like a pet, needing constant attention. I wanted her to know that I was different.

I nodded and released my influence on Edward. "We'll be at the house," I told her.

Emmett and Rosalie gave Edward a look of disdain, as he gathered himself off the ground, and followed me back to the estate. It physically hurt to leave Bella alone with Edward, but if this is what she needed, I would allow it. Thankfully, we weren't too far away if I _did_ need to intervene.

"Aren't we going to eavesdrop?" Emmett asked, as we neared the house.

"No," I replied calmly. "We need to respect their privacy."

Emmett groaned, disappointed there wouldn't be more fighting. Rosalie was feeling impatient, wanting the drama to be over and things to return to normal. Carlisle, Esme and Alice were anxiously awaiting our return and were surprised to see us without Edward or Bella. Carlisle and Esme's glances at me revealed they didn't fully understand why I kidnapped Bella cave man style. They were also worried the family would be torn apart. I guessed they thought either _I_ would leave or _Edward_ would leave again. Alice was calm, searching the future for various outcomes, but not telling us what she was seeing.

"Bella and Edward are talking," Rosalie explained and the others nodded in understanding.

We waited in silence. Bella returned exactly an hour later and went directly to sit beside me on the sofa.

"What happened?" I asked.

She shrugged. "It's over."

Bella was feeling emotionally fragile, but putting on a very strong facade. Everyone looked at Bella with curious compassion. "It's over" didn't explain a lot.

When Edward walked in the room, he was sullen, and all eyes turned to him. I instinctively put my arm around Bella, to claim her as mine, and she snuggled closer. Her body began to rock with silent sobs and she oozed hurt and confusion.

I glared at Edward. _What did you do to her?_ my thoughts demanded to know. Anger boiled within me. The second I began to contemplate lunging at Edward, Emmett and Rosalie were standing in front of me and Bella, blocking me from action.

"Why don't you and Bella go upstairs?" Emmett suggested cautiously. As much as he liked to fight, he didn't like seeing his sister in pain, and if I attacked Edward, Bella's pain would only increase.

Bella, embarrassed for crying, quickly tried to compose herself. "I'm fine," she responded.

I stood, pulling Bella up with me. She relented and clung to me as I led her upstairs to my bedroom. I locked the door, which wasn't for security, but a clear sign to the others to leave us alone. Bella crawled on the bed and I stretched out next to her.

"Would you... _cover_ me?" she asked shyly.

I wasn't sure what she meant exactly, but since she was feeling so vulnerable and exposed, I knew she meant more than being covered with a blanket.

I rolled on top of her, my frame covering the entire length of her body. She instantly relaxed. I propped myself up with my left elbow and with my free hand, I stroked her cheek. I was genuinely surprised at the emotions she was radiating.

"My sweet Bella, why do you feel _humiliated_?"

If she could still cry, her face would have been covered with tears.

"He didn't want me," she confessed. "He never loved me at all."

I remained calm for her sake, fighting to urge to go downstairs and beat the hell out of Edward.

"Did he tell you that?" I asked, gently, wondering about their conversation. It had been brief, considering the history they shared.

"Yes...no...not in so many words. Mostly, I realized it on my own."

"It hurts because you realized you still loved him?" I asked, not out of jealousy, but out of a sincere desire to understand her.

"I don't love him anymore, Jasper. Not like I love you," she assured me. "I feel humiliated because I was so wrong. I regret being so heartbroken by him because what I thought we shared wasn't real at all."

I couldn't believe I was going to say this. "Bella, what you and Edward shared _was_ real. I remember it clearly. It was very intense. I felt it. I was jealous of it."

She shook her head. "Edward felt protective of me. He was fascinated by me. I was his singer and the only person whose thoughts he couldn't read. But, it wasn't _love_."

" _I_ love you," I replied, kissing her bottom lip. "Do you believe that?"

"Yes," she smiled. "If you hadn't rescued me, I would have lived the rest of my life thinking Edward was my true love." I felt her relief and thankfulness.

Bella continued. " _You_ are my true love Jasper. I love _you_."

It was the first time she had said those three simple words to me.

"Oh, Bella," I moaned, kissing her deeply. It was a good thing we didn't need to breathe.

"Edward begged me to leave with him," she further confessed.

"He did?" I felt no anger at this, Bella was here with me and she loved me, not him.

"I never for a second considered it, of course. But, as he was pleading his case, it was then I realized his motivation was out of possessiveness, not love. I told him I wasn't his human pet anymore."

"That-ta, girl," I praised.

"I told Edward the reasons why I wouldn't go with him and he really listened. He didn't object. That's when I knew it was true. He never loved me. How else could he explain why he left me for so many months when, in comparison, you refused to be parted from me?"

My memory searched for the moments I encountered human Bella with Edward. Comparing how I felt for Bella, Edward's love for her _did_ feel more like _infatuation,_ but I always thought my perspective was biased because I loved her too. She was his singer and the only person he'd ever met whose mind he wasn't able to read. This was an interesting combination and it made sense why Bella was irresistible to him.

The reason I never pursued Bella was because I figured due the intensity of their emotion Edward was mated to Bella. The rest of the family assumed this too, except when he left her, I knew something was wrong. It gave me a hope that I had a chance. Carlisle and Esme and Emmett and Rosalie were the only mated couples in the family. They were inseparable. Carlisle and Esme were a bit different, in that Carlisle spent hours at the hospital and Esme had the family to look after. But, they would never _leave_ each other like Edward left Bella. I couldn't assure Bella that Edward loved her, because she was right. He didn't.

"Will we have to leave the family?" she asked. "I'm afraid things will be so awkward now. This was Edward's family first, not mine. If anyone leaves, it should be me."

"That may be true, that Edward was the first Cullen, but you are now an equal member of the family. Carlisle doesn't play favorites. If you want to leave, we can, but we don't have to leave."

Bella obviously didn't want to leave, but she was irrationally embarrassed by her human behavior and love for Edward.

"May I also remind you that I have a gift of manipulating emotions? Half the time the family doesn't realize I'm interfering. Things won't be awkward if you let me help."

Bella sighed. "Can we spend some time alone? No more sneaking around or interruptions? Just the two of us?" She asked shyly, as if I would not grant her request.

"Darlin', that's the best idea I've heard all year."


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 10: Decisions**

* * *

 **Disclaimer:** All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended. Thanks and credit to Stephenie Meyer her creativity and storytelling!

* * *

We escaped from the house by climbing out the window of my bedroom, like a couple of teenagers running away from their parents. Although it was small and not luxurious, I led Bella to the small cabin that the family had built in the most remote part of the Denali wilderness for extended hunting trips. The furnishing were sparse, but it was the perfect place for us to spend time alone together. I felt bad for leaving the family without saying goodbye, but I trusted that Alice had seen we _would_ return and tell the others for us. The only thing that mattered to me was taking care of Bella. My highest priority was making sure she felt safe and loved.

For the next week we made love, talked, and generally bonded with one another. Bella and I had never spent this much uninterrupted time alone together...and it was wonderful. I would have kidnapped her a long time ago if I had known how much joy it would bring me having her all to myself, not having to compete for attention with others. I told her so.

"When I changed you, my initial plan was to take you somewhere so it was just the two of us. If Alice hadn't of convinced me that you needed to see the family when you woke up, I would have kept you all to myself."

Our bodies were entangled and I gave her a kiss on the forehead. Bella sighed in contentment.

"Being alone with you _is_ bliss...but Alice was right. I was so devastated by the family leaving, I needed to know they cared about me." She smiled, a mischievously look in her eye. " _Although_...we definitely should have scheduled some alone time together much earlier."

"When do you want to go home?" I asked. As far as I was concerned, we never had to return home if Bella didn't want to, but I would support whatever decision she made.

"Never?" Her emotions were playful, and I realized she was joking.

I laughed. "Fine with me."

Bella became more serious and contemplative. "Carlisle and Esme are anxious to move to Ithaca and I'm sure your cousins want their home back. I suppose we need to return _soon_."

"They're now _your_ cousins, too," I reminded her.

She smiled. "Yeah, I guess so."

"Do you think you can live with Edward?" I asked.

She shook her head. "No. But, I want to be with the family. I'll have to deal with it."

I didn't know if I could live peaceably with Edward, either. A coven needed to be unified and that wouldn't be possible if Edward was going to be antagonistic. Although Bella had shared with me _her_ side of their conversation, I knew that it was only _her_ side of the story. She was full of self doubt at times, and still didn't seem to know her true self worth. I think Edward and Bella's conversation came to the correct conclusion, but I believed Edward's side of the story would be much different from Bella's. I needed to talk to him, to hear his perspective, and I also wanted closure for myself.

Would Bella and I be able to stay with the family? I knew that _I_ was willing to work things out and Bella seemed to be equally committed. It seemed our future with the family depended on _Edward_.

Whether he stayed or went, our future was in his hands.


	10. Chapter 10

When Bella and I returned to the house, our Denali cousins had also returned. When I noticed the new scents I the air, I looked at Bella. Her shield was up. "How are you feeling?" I asked. She was almost out of her newborn year, but she had never met any vampires other than the family. Instinctively I knew she would be on edge. Using her shield seemed to be an indication she felt threatened.

Bella gave a small smile. "I'm okay," she replied, squeezing my hand. "Do you think they'll like me?"

"Who wouldn't like _you_? You're amazing."

She rolled her eyes, but her posture relaxed.

Everyone was gathered in the main living area, and I assumed Alice alerted everyone about our arrival since they appeared to be waiting for us. Tanya, Irina, Kate, Eleazar and Carman were buzzing with excitement, anxious to meet the newest addition to the family. Esme was the first to greet us.

"Bella! Jasper! Welcome home!" Esme rushed forward to give us a hug. Carlisle mirrored her actions. Both of them were sincerely happy to see us and a little relieved, too. I glanced at Edward, who sat reading a book, acting disinterested in our arrival on the surface, but emanating curiosity.

"Bella, I'd like to introduce you to our extended family," Carlisle greeted, as he ushered us over to join the others. "Tanya, Irnia, Kate, Eleazar and Carman...this is my daughter Bella."

It was endearing that Carlisle introduced Bella as his _daughter_. He said it with pride and sincerity.

Bella spoke first. "I've heard so much about you. It's nice to finally meet you. Thank you so much for allowing me to stay in your house during my newborn year."

"You're beautiful, Bella...let us have a better look at you!" Irnia took Bella's hand and spun her around.

"Ты такая красивая" Tanya breathed.

When Bella began to look awkward at their examination, Eleazar stepped forward with his hand extended.

"Nice to meet you, Bella," he greeted. Irnia let go of Bella and she shook his hand. He smiled and raised his eyebrows and glanced at me. Eleazar was impressed.

"You have a gift," he remarked. "A very powerful one."

Carlisle, along with everyone else, was surprised, even Bella. She looked at me.

"Jasper told me about your gift, but I didn't think you'd be able to recognize it right away." She shrugged. "I don't think it's _powerful_ , though."

"Beeellla!" Alice shrieked with excitement. "Why didn't you tell us? What is it?"

"Um...I think it's a _shield_ of some sort? I don't really know."

Carlisle was deep in thought and more intrigued than even Eleazar. "A shield would explain how Edward isn't able to read your thoughts, even when you were human."

At the mention of Edward's name, Bella snuggled closer to me and I put my arm around her. As far as I knew, she hadn't looked in his direction and he was still acted disinterested in the conversation.

"Your gift manifested itself when you were _human_? Very powerful, indeed," Eleazar remarked. "You must allow us to test your gift. Kate can help."

"NO!" both Edward and I responded at the same time. Kate's gift was creating a mental electric current on her skin which shocks anyone who comes into contact with her. Bella was not to be hurt.

Awkwardness hung in the air for a moment, at the declaration of both Edward and I demanding Bella's safety. Edward glared at Kate and I glared at Edward. Kate rolled her eyes.

"I'm not going to _hurt_ Bella," she insisted. "But it seems that she also has a mental gift and I can help her learn how to use it. _Relax_." She was a bit offended that we thought she would hurt Bella, but brushed it off quickly.

"What do you think, Bella?" Carlisle asked. "Eleazar and Kate could be very helpful in discovering your gift."

Bella glanced at me and I nodded in encouragement. She turned to Carlisle.

"Yes, I would like help. Thank you."

Eleazar clapped his hands. "Marvelous. Let's go to my study, shall we?"

I gave Bella a kiss on the cheek and watched as she left with Eleazar, Carmen, Carlisle, Esme, and Kate. She would be in good hands. I trusted Carlisle and I knew Esme would not allow Bella to be hurt, even for scientific purposes.

For a few moments I caught up with Irnia and Tanya, who I knew were dying to ask me questions about me and Bella, but refrained due to Edward's presence. I sent a few waves of relaxation, trying to satisfy their curiosity.

"We will talk _later_ ," Tanya remarked with a smile, letting me know I wasn't getting off that easy.

I glanced at Edward, who was still acting oblivious to his surroundings, but exooding curiosity. Edward and I needed to talk _now._

He looked up at me and briefly nodded, standing up and walking out of the house. I followed.

Edward was feeling impatient and annoyed.

"Are you going to make this difficult?" I asked.

He shrugged. "Maybe."

 _Immature little brat._

Edward sighed. "This is hard for me, Jasper. You can't expect me to hand Bella over to you so easily."

" _You_ left _her_ , remember? You didn't want her anymore."

"You know that was a lie. I was trying to protect her."

"If you loved her, you wouldn't have stayed away for so long."

"I know."

His honesty shocked me and I was speechless.

"It's not easy for me to admit this, but when I saw the two of you together I knew that I never loved Bella the way you do. And believe it or not, I _do_ want what's best for her. You can have her. She's yours. But, don't expect me to be _happy_ about it."

Yes, Bella was mine, but she also wasn't an object to be traded. Edward was trying to be gracious, but he was being incredibly childish.

"Then why did you beg her to leave with you?" I asked suspiciously.

"Jealousy. I wanted to see if she still loved me the way she did when she was human. She quickly put me in my place."

Was Edward actually being honest about all this?

He rolled his eyes at my thoughts. "I _did_ care for her, but I knew my bloodlust would eventually win if I didn't leave. I wallowed in self pity and surprised myself in being able to stay away from her so long.

But, when I finally checked my voicemail and heard that she was changed, I was curious. I thought maybe we could be together again now that I wasn't a danger to her."

Yes, that was what we all thought would happen. But, we didn't think it would take a _year_ for Edward to return.

"When I saw the two of you together, I saw Bella respond to you in a way she never did with me. And you obviously worship her...but I still felt jealous. My pride was hurt. I expected Bella to be waiting patiently for me, but her affections had turned to another. I had to try...I asked her to leave with me. She was so devoted to me as a human, I thought some feeling remained. But, it didn't. She flat out rejected me and I actually listened to her. I don't think I ever truly listened to her when she was human. As she explained all the reasons she wouldn't leave with me, it all made sense. I had been so focused on my bloodlust and control, that I never examined the reasons I was so enamored with her.

Bella fascinated me. She was my singer and the only person I'd ever met whose thoughts I couldn't read. Instinctually, I felt protective of her. Her humanity awakened my own and I felt infatuated with her. But, it wasn't love."

As Edward spoke I almost felt sorry for him. He radiated typical seventeen year old boy emotions – confusion, infatuation, possessiveness. I understood the complexity and guilt he felt. In a way, it was similar to Bella's feelings. Both he and Bella recognized what they shared wasn't eternal love and commitment...but it _was_ something.

"As I said before, it's not easy for me to admit Bella and I aren't meant to be together. But, we're not. I wanted to be honest with you about that."

"And as _I_ said before, are you going to make this difficult? Will we be able to coexist peacefully in this family together?"

Edward shrugged. "It's a fair question. I don't know. I can't imagine I'll ever think of Bella as a _sister_."

I wanted to growl, knowing that Edward had also shared intimate moments with Bella, even though they weren't as deep and meaningful as the ones we shared. He didn't respond to my thoughts and his face remained neutral.

"Are you implying we should leave?" I asked.

Edward was surprised. "No, not at all."

"We can't live in a family, a coven, that isn't united. I need to be able to trust you. If there is a conflict or battle, I can't worry that you'll try to take Bella away from me. And, at the very basic level, I want Bella to feel comfortable around you when we're at home together. You know me, Edward. I don't want to live with _tension_."

He was thoughtful for a moment. "It's going to take time," Edward admitted, "before things aren't so awkward between the three of us. And even though my pride as a man is a little bruised, I will recover."

Edward smiled. "I do care for you and Bella. I want both of you to be happy. You can trust me."

His emotions were contrite and humble. He was being sincere. I held out my hand.

"Peace," I offered.

"Peace," Edward responded, shaking my hand.

XXXXXXXXXX

The family moved to Ithaca, then Vancouver, Portland, Chicago, Boston, with extended vacations in Europe and South America. Bella and I learned to live peacefully with Edward and when he met Alexandra, eighty years later, the awkwardness completely disappeared.

"Why do you love me so much?" Bella asked one day, as we walked hand in hand along a deserted beach in Maine. Carlisle had taken a job at a small hospital in Eastport and the rest of the family was setting up house as Bella and I stole some alone time for ourselves.

"Because you're worth it," I immediately responded, bringing her hand to my lips for a kiss.

It was our 100th anniversary year of being together and every day was just as fresh and exciting as the first. Our love never faded, but it only grew and intensified.

"Thank you for taking a risk and making me _yours_ ," Bella smiled softly.

"Forever," I replied. It was a vow we often spoke to one another.

" _Forever,_ " she repeated, almost worshipfully.

The future was no longer in Edward's hands. It was in ours. And we would be together _forever_.

 **THE END**


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